A letter to Max.

Dear Max.

I can't believe you are one. One year old. My second child is One.  My little baby boy.

You have been such a pleasure to be a mommy to. I cannot imagine a sweeter little man. Thank you for making me smile on a daily basis. Your relationship with your sister touches my heart. You sure do love that girl! And boy,  does she ever love you!  I know it is inevitable that your relationship will change over time and you won't always get along,  but I am cherishing these moments. I know they are fleeting.

You overcame the challenge of your injured skull and we got to feel real fear. I am so thankful that you came out of that as happy and healthy as you did.

We had a rough first year of lots and lots of nursing and little to no sleep. Who would have thought I could keep up with that appetite of yours! I am proud that we did so well together :)

You are cuddly,  snuggly, hilarious, handsome, adorable, happy,  giggly,  wiggly, hungry, healthy, sweet... I could add to this list all day. I just want to thank you for being you and for completing our family. I dont know if you will ever be made a big brother, and if not we are so happy and satisfied that we got you to make us a whole :)

I cannot wait to see the crazy things you will come up with in your second year - we love you Max . .. happy birthday big man xoxox

Me Poorsta

This rage comic describes my existence. I spend way too much time falling in love with way too many things online with $0 to pay for them lol... oh well... gave me a laugh, at least others can relate!

xo

Obligatory New Years Rambling :P

2012 was a great year, and probably the fastest one that I can remember (which says a lot when the year has a whole extra day!) - the best part was completing our family when Maxy was born! That started the new year out just right :) It had it's bad moments (like our nightmare with Max's skull and most recently with the passing of our friend Codey :( ) but I try to focus on what made it great!

We moved in with my mom which was a big adjustment, but I think things have been going well! We had a great summer with the kids, heading to Wonderland many times for some summer time family fun! We got to watch Maxy in his first year learn and discover this world. We got to watch Hannah make the beautiful transition from only child to a very proud big sister! Steve and I bot got promoted positions at work and we look forward to being able to save our money to get our home.

My new years resolution? To host next year's New Years Eve party in our OWN HOME. Can we do it? If we work hard enough I think we can.

For now, we will continue living this crazy life and enjoy each other.

Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas Festivities!

I hate that I haven't gotten into a groove yet since being back to work. I can manage the shower, sleep, get up, go to work part just fine... and the come home, make dinner, eat, play with the kids, bath time, story time bed time part as well. But doing anything for myself? What's that? lol... in the couple of short hours I do have at the end of the day, my energy has just been so zapped that I cannot muster up enough to do more than watch a show. Maybe it was been to do with all of the hectic-ness that comes with Christmas time - thinking about plans, making plans, organizing gifts, shopping, wrapping... I guess that makes a lot of sense... December was a weird month to start work.

But it is worth it for Christmas. I love Christmas. Always have and always will. I will never understand the "bah-humbug" types whatsoever. I am sure it is hard if you do not have the means to give the gifts you want to give, or to get to the ones you love for the holiday though... I can imagine this time of year can be hard then. But you just can't shake the Christmas spirit in the air. Everywhere you go, everyone is bustling about. I just love it. I love the lights, the trees, the parties, the chance to dress up, the chance to dress down, the food , the laughs, the people. The kids! Watching a child as you get closer to Christmas is amazing. The wonder in their eyes, the magic in their heads. Anything is possible!

you can even turn a princess into a pirate...

We had an amazing Christmas - we spent the weekend before in London visiting our families down there -- Saturday was at Steve's mom's, and then my Dad's, and Sunday was at Steve's dad's. Our kids got so spoiled we honestly didn't think we would have been able to bring everything home! By the time we were done at Steve's dad's, we ditched our suitcase and squished all of our stuff into eco bags, every single toy had to be removed from it's box/packaging, and every inch of the trunk and available space between the car seats was taken up. It was un real. And Santa hadn't even been yet! 

Although I am a firm believer in Christmas being about giving to others and being with those you love, getting a new food processor, the books you wanted and killer new boots is pretty damn AWESOME!

Seeing my daughter's face when she opened her water baby made the day for me :) Santa listens baby girl :)

I hope everyone had as magical a Christmas as we did! Looking ahead to a new year full of possibilities!

Sunday Night

I am sitting here tonight watching the interfaith prayer service for the Connecticut tragedy. Everyone who knows me knows I am not religious, but I respect those who are. I am watching this and it is beautiful. Sometimes I wish I did believe in something. I think I would fear less, and find comfort in having a place to turn during rough and sad times. But, I don't. But faith sure is a beautiful thing. I imagine it is the only way someone can survive the loss of their child. How could you carry on? I am watching the slideshow of their beautiful and innocent faces and I am crying. They are all so perfect. I see my children in each and every one of them. I try to imagine what those families are going through. It must just be hell on earth. I cannot send my prayers, but I can send my love. I send them all of the love I can muster. I hope you all find the strength to carry on.

I love to hear Obama speak. He is right. We can't tolerate this anymore.

We need to make this world a better place for our children. They deserve to see this world as a magical place with endless opportunities. Sitting here, I don't know what we have to do. But I guess when we feel helpless we can start by loving. We need to love each other. We need to be tolerant of everyone's differences, and instill that into our children. We will never get rid of the bad people in the world, but we can do our best to keep love in our homes.

We have no way of knowing how much time we have with those we love the most. So let's spend it looking into each other's eyes and smiling. We need to tell each other constantly that we love them. There needs to be countless hugs and laughs straight from our guts. We need to respect and encourage each other. Always hope for the best for each other. We need to try and put aside differences, grudges and jealousies. I know that is not an easy task, or even a possible one, but we need to try to keep this in the back of our minds. Even if it only comes back to us once in a while, it is one more moment we are made to stop and appreciate each other.

We need to try and see the world with the innocence that the children do.

Remember them

Remember them. Remember their faces and their names. Ignore the psychopath who stole their lives and the innocence of their peers. He is a nobody who doesn't deserve the space in our thoughts. In ten years when someone says "remember that tragedy in Connecticut?" I want us all to be able to name these innocent children and teachers, and not their killer.

Remember THEM. Remember the heroes. 

Something for my kids to find

So I have discovered that there are various journalling books out there - not like a plain book to write in each day, but pre-organized journals that ask you specific questions or focus on certain aspects of your life that force you to think outside the box when keeping tabs on yourself. I love the idea of journaling.. I ADORE the idea of journaling (that is why I try to blog as often as my life allows me to) but I don't find my day-to-day life to be particularly interesting.

I looked up the Q&A a Day journal on amazon when I first heard of it and I think it is awesome - the idea of it being a DAILY activity would make me hesitant because I know myself, but I would still love to give it a try. I also browsed through the related books and there are so many variations, it almost makes you want them all! I keep an amazon.ca wishlist going for Steve if he ever is looking for a birthday/Christmas gift for me - I save things that I might not think to mention to him (I get him to do the same thing too) - tonight he gave me an early Christmas gift (surprise, surprise; the captain of not being able to keep a present hidden :P) and it was this book:

MemoRANDOM Lists, Memories, Miscellany

I'm pretty stoked about it! The layout is super cool and it really is random like it says.. there's no date, there's no specific structure.. you can fill things in in the middle before you do at the front... it has very interesting ideas of what to write about/list - from what you ate today to who would you cast in a movie about your life - so neat. You can pick it up and write in it whenever you like. You can finish it this weekend or take 5 years to complete. It is up to you. Which is so perfect for me :P

A big reason why I wanted to journal was because I want something for my kids to look back on and learn about who I am now. My Papa wrote in his diary every single day for years. Nothing major; the weather and something he did that day; gardening, work, dinner out. It is so neat to look back on now that he has been gone for a long time. It has been 16 years since he died (whoa.) and it is nice to read through and have memories brought back.

So I want to fill this in, and I want my kids to find it one day. I might not officially give it to them, but who knows. I just want them to read it years from now and find out about who I was in my late twenties. I know I would think it was totally amazing to find a journal written by my mom from back then :)