This weekend I.....

Did that weekend fly by for anyone else? I guess they always do. I am not looking forward to going back to work - at least now, once the weekends are over I still get to stay home with my babies! To find the silver lining though, once I am working they will be a lot more valuable :)

I am also linking up with Syndal for her "This weekend I" link-up!



I have started redesigning my blog - like it? I found in my research that blogs of a lighter colour tend to be more appealing to readers, so I decided on an overhaul from my grey and yellow. Then, once the colour was gone, I hated the title header I had! So I got to work - I am liking it a lot! I am not finished all of my changes yet, but I am finished for tonight anyways.

So this weekend was very Christmassy! It was the Santa Claus Parade here in Brampton, and we decided to get into the Christmas spirit and put up the tree. I love everything about the Christmas season, so I love making it last as long as possible!

The kids loved the parade! Max bounced and danced through most of it - adorable! Hannah is still afraid of costumed people apparently. Unless it's a princess. Princesses are OK. It was perfect weather for it - which was a welcome change from the bad weather of parades past.

Look at the face in the middle there! Haha she was SO excited to give Santa her letter :)

That's me and my babies. The gangsta is Hannah ;)

Oh FYI I discovered Picasa - I love using Photoshop, but it is a bit of a lengthy process to get my photos ready for upload on this blog - I just want to fix up the colour and sometimes make collages, and it was getting to be a pain. (and as a former multimedia student, uploading photos that I haven't played around with won't happen often) - so I downloaded the Picasa software, it is free to use and very simple. And I love that it connects right to Google, so everything I do is readily available for my blog. I am not being asked by anyone to promote this software, I just think it is great and people who aren't proficient on Photoshop should check it out.

In light of my Christmas spirit, and my undying love for The Backstreet Boys, I leave you with this; their new Christmas song :)

I exist!

I was just going to go up to bed and not post tonight because I wasn't feeling inspired, but if I decided not to post every time I didn't feel inspired to write, I would never write. I like blogging and sometimes I just need to start and a post will come from it.

I had an anonymous comment on one of my posts the other day suggesting that my blog would be a lot better if I included more photos. I don't know why the comment is gone now, but I always appreciate feedback. My first thought was "Hmm I try to always add a photo" but I thought that maybe they meant photos of me? I guess I will never know, but if that IS what they meant, it's true! I don't post many photos of me. I have been trying to be in more photos ever since I read this article (and I think every other mom out there read that article and thought the same thing), but I don't ever consider them worthy of posting on a public forum! The shots of me rarely make my facebook newsfeed, let alone my blog haha. I have been trying though, for my kids. I was hoping that new outlook in the subject would maybe encourage me to 'try' harder and be more photo ready through the day. But honestly, I am lucky if I can get a shower. I'm home with the two kids all day and there is so much more to spend this precious time on. (Plus, I am not one of those lucky girls who can 'wash & go' with their hair! My hair requires LOTS of attention before I can 'go' :P)

That being said, after I read that comment, and thought about it, I decided I should be more present in my online space. I used to plaster my photos all over my facebook. It's like I had kids and they became my face.  And it's funny, the few times I do decide to throw a photo of me as my profile picture I feel guilty! Isn't that strange? I have become that mom who bombards her news feed with photo after photo of her kids! (And I will continue to, I am proud of those little guys and I have lots and lots of family near and over seas that like to keep up with them - I have been vocal about how I won't stop and if you don't like it, delete me lol) But I still am Ashley, and I should be proud enough of that to show myself off, not just my kiddos.

So this weekend, knowing we were going to have a little family time, I put Steve in charge of the babes and I spent an extra few minutes to style my hair and threw some makeup on. I still took more pics of the kids than myself, but I got in some worth sharing :) I'll be doing another post about our weekend tomorrow, so there will be more to see then.

I am Ashley! I still get zits and I hate it. My hair is ridiculous. It is thick and long and frizzy and curly and unruly. I hate it most days. But when I can take the time to style it, I am so thankful for all of it! I am overweight but slowly improving. I am so constantly inspired to create; be it crafts, painting, writing, design... but I can never turn that inspiration into anything so it just stews. I am a mom and I love it. I love girls nights and date nights. I love Steve. I love my family, but only the ones who care. I miss my London family every day and I hate that I can't visit more often. I am 27 and I think I am still finding myself. And posting these photos makes me uncomfortable haha (my inner monologue; "now people are going to think I think i look good in these photos and that i am trying to show off" lol I need help) - I still love BSB and AJ... I think if I was single I would have his poster up in my room :P ... and Russel Brand....

High 5 for Friday!

Yay it is Friday again! Being on mat leave makes all of the days blend together, but I look forward to the weekend so I've got Steve home and I've got the extra hands! I am REALLY looking forward to taking the kids to the Santa Claus parade on Saturday :) The weather is supposed to be good and it should be a blast :)

This week wasn't much to brag about - lots of lost sleep - caused by the kids AND debating whether I should go back to work early or not. But there is always something positive to think about, which is why I like doing this High Five For Friday post - forces me to seek out what was great amid the crap (which is sometimes difficult to see)


High Five for Friday
Linking up once again with Lauren

#1 - This guy. Our kitty Martin. He spends all of his time outside, but since the weather has been cooler, he has been taking refuge in the house to sleep (what a concept!). He has tried various locations on our counters... and has enjoyed knocking things onto the floor in the night and breaking them/giving me heart attacks! We left the cup cupboard open and this is where he decided to snooze :P

#2 - Playing witches :) Hannah and I ran around the house with hats on and brooms between our legs cackling :P It was good ole fashioned 3 year old good times!

#3 - My brother found his old Cat in the Hat book so we have read it for a couple of nights now... she LOVES it.. we do story time every night but lately I haven't been holding her attention with our old stack. It has been nice having her hanging onto my every word again :P

#4 - I got my November Top Box on Wednesday! It is a really good one, and I am *hoping* to review it soon, whenever I am given the time to play around with everything.

#5 - These guys. Always. But in light of me potentially going back to work soon, I need to stop thinking of myself and how it will effect me, but I need to think of them and how much they will thrive being in a daycare setting. And how I might be a better mommy if I get to spend time being other things. Like Ashley.

*Additional #6*
Just want to single out Steve for a sec - He has been really supportive and understanding of my apprehensions about taking this job and has always let it be an option for me to turn it down. I am not going to, but knowing that if I concluded that I was TRULY not ready, I could have.

So that's what stressed feels like

I have always prided myself in the fact that I tend to keep cool in stressful situations and don't let a whole lot get to me. I have almost endless patience and I take everything in stride. Well the last couple of days I sure have discovered that when it comes to my kids, I can stress out!

I have been trying to ignore it, but fact of the matter is, my maternity leave is coming to an end. I am so thankful to live in a country that allows us to take off a whole year to be with our babies. I cannot imagine pawning off my baby to a babysitter/daycare at 6 weeks old! How can your child bond with you if they spend all of their time with a stranger? It blows my mind. So thank-you Canada, for being awesome. Apparently a year can fly by just as quickly as 6 weeks can. Hannah's first year I felt was leisurely. It was amazing. I still cried every night in the weeks leading up to my return to work mind you haha, but it FELT like a year. Now Max is closing in on 10 months old and I have absolutely no idea where time went. None. How is it already November? 

How was this almost 10 months ago?

I have been feeling a little bit anxious about returning to work in the new year. I didn't know where I was going to be working because we have moved cities so I wouldn't be going back to my old workplace. I didn't know where the kids are going to go. How exactly can a family afford to have their kids in daycare? Honestly! It's so expensive! I was fortunate enough to qualify for daycare subsidy when Hannah was in last year, but I don't qualify for full coverage any more, and who knows how long I will be sitting on the waiting list for partial subsidization. So that is stress that I know is there, but I don't really allow it much place in my mind because it is so far away. (or so it seemed!)

Now I have the opportunity to take on a job with the same company I worked for before, only taking over my own branch as manager. The pay is significantly higher than it was as an associate. I can't exactly say no to a job that I already mostly know. The only kicker is that the position would be starting in probably early December. Aka 2 weeks. Aka I am so not emotionally ready. I have been preparing myself for January... I am so very thankful for the opportunity, and I am not going to turn it away, but I am sick. I have been slacking on the bottle training AND the sleep training. Will daycare be patient with him? Will they give him the cuddles he needs to try and fall asleep for his naps? Will they help him learn how to use his bottle if he hasn't mastered it? 

It will be a real good thing in the long run, and I know once a week goes by, and we are in the swing of things, it will be great. Hannah thrived in daycare. I want the same for Max. Due to his sleep problems and inability to take a bottle, I haven't been without him for more than a few hours at a time. He needs to get used to being apart from me. It will be healthy for all of us. I just need to think of the positives. It is hard though, when I love being home with them so much.

Anyways, I feel a bit better now that I have had this little chance to get my thoughts out in the open. I haven't really allowed myself to spend a lot of time thinking about it because I would just start stressing out and getting upset. Now that I have it all typed out, it doesn't seem so daunting. Life will continue business as usual. And the extra money in our pockets will get us that much closer to our down payment (I hope!)

I guess a better question would be how was this 3 1/2 years ago?!

I just have to remember that I got myself all worked up and made such a big deal about going back to work after my maternity leave with Hannah, and once I was there, I enjoyed the break and interacting with adults. Moms go back to work every day and I know it will all be ok :)

But for now I am going to make a big deal about it because that's how it feels to me :)

What a night

I have been making a concious effort to try and get a post out every day to get back into the swing of blogging. I almost didn't tonight, but I am trying to wind down, so I figured writing would help.

Max just refused to go to sleep tonight. He just cried and cried. He is a bad sleeper, but usually the issue is getting him to remain asleep for the whole night, not actually falling asleep. I finally got him to crash at almost 5 hours past his bedtime. I couldn't figure him out tonight (which is strange, I can usually tell). First I thought it was gas, then teething, but after I caved and tried remedying those things, he was still at it. I gave in and brought him downstairs a couple of times, and he was happy as a lark playing in his play yard. I think he was playing me. I don't know why he was fighting his exhaustion though, so not like him. - Oh and about 20 minutes after I got him to sleep he was up crying again! He is down again now... I can only hope for at least a few hours.

I am normally very patient, but this was how I was feeling tonight;

Go The F**k to Sleep :P

Sometimes he is lucky he is so darn cute :)

It's not always an easy job, but it's the best one.

The magic is coming!

As much as I enjoy Halloween, I am always counting the days until it is over because then it can officially be the Christmas Season :P

My family is not religious in any way shape or form, (I will take this opportunity to mention that while I don't believe in God, or follow any sort of religion, I still am respectful of those who do.) and I know that Christmas is a religious holiday, but we go all out! We put our non religious spin on it though. We use it as an opportunity to celebrate each other, and to spend time with those who are most important to us. It is about the magic of Santa Claus and the mystery of how he travels around the world in one night! It is about the excitement in my daughter's eyes when ANYTHING to do with Christmas is mentioned (last year was the first year that she 'got it' and her life was changed forever). It is a chance to recognize the good in the world rather than the bad. It is taking the time to do something special for the ones we love. I find so much joy in giving people the most perfect gift. I eagerly watch them open it and see their reactions. Especially if it was something they did not expect to get!

It is just pure and simple magic. As we grow older the magic tends to die a little (most of it leaves when the truth about Santa is revealed). I am so thrilled that it is back! The minute your child understands what is happening is the minute the magic returns. And it is incredible. Last year Hannah didn't really understand what was happening. She didn't know what I meant when I talked about Santa (or when she met him), she didn't REALLY comprehend the tree, and even setting out cookies and milk the night before, I could tell she was just doing what we were telling her to do. How would she be able to understand it? She was 2 1/2 and had no frame of reference. But Christmas morning changed it all. She was ecstatic opening her gifts, and she was making the connections as we read out when a gift was from Santa. She understood that the cookies were for him. She caught the magic. We bounced from house to house in our day's celebrating, and the excitement was in the air. She has literally spent the last year talking about Santa and Christmas.

So now when we talk about it, and mention the upcoming parade, and discussing where the tree will go, I can see the magic coming back.

Yesterday we had an amazing November day with temperatures hitting almost 18ºC, and the sun was shining. We decided to take advantage of the weather and get the lights up. Who knows when we will have another day so mild? (tomorrow is set to drop to 3º!) And on a weekend no less! We weren't planning on starting our decorating until next weekend (the weekend of the local parade) but who can pass up that weather? We are still waiting until next weekend to do the tree though.

So Hannah got to participate in the unravelling, testing and placement of the lights for the first time! (We never did outdoor lights at our townhomes before we moved here) I think she loved it - I wish I had a pic of the house once night fell, but that is my busy time of day :P I'll get one.

doesn't look much like Christmas, but it is sure starting to feel like it :)

Anyways, I'll always say Merry Christmas to everyone, because I want to! :) But this made me giggle :)

Same Brains

I don't know if it is a symptom of being together every day for 4.5 years, or if we are just that couple, but a couple of years ago, I think our brains melted together. We both can tell what the other is thinking most of the time... like if I am about to leave the house and Steve goes "oh hey babe?" I say "large or extra large?" (because I know I need to get him a coffee lol) - we break out into song AT THE SAME TIME way too often to be normal and when we watch a movie, we both jump to the same conclusions about what is happening, at the same time. It's hilarious. Today we were at Giant Tiger (for non Canadians; I guess I would describe it as a very mini Wal Mart) - we were browsing the kids clothes to see if we could find anything cute for our kids or the kids in our lives for Christmas. He was browsing the boys stuff and I was in the girls... at the same time, we both rushed over to each other to show the other something. We both presented the SAME THING: a t-shirt that comes with a free mini skateboard. Mine was a girls one in Hannah's size and the other was for one of the boys in our lives (cannot go into details in case one of his parents reads this :P). Needless to say we bought them both.

Going on 5 years together... engaged for almost 4 lol - we have been through a lot in our years together, started our family early on - but we have been in it together since the start and we will keep going the same way!

xo

Maybe one of these days I will be able to explode wedding all over this blog haha.. I literally cannot wait until we can plan it :)